day 67

Let me begin by saying that sometimes it is damn hard to think of material to write about that means something to me, and that others will hopefully find interesting and/or entertaining as well. That's why my posts come at random intervals, not everyday or a certain number per week. When I do sit down to write though, I love it! I will absolutely keep the blog going until day 365, and I hope I continue to enjoy it as much as I currently do. When I run into friends I haven't seen in a few weeks, they are usually full of questions about how the challenge is going, how I avoid drinking, etc. If you ever have a specific question - comment on the post or send me a message and I'll put it in my next post. (Did you catch that? Soliciting writing ideas for myself - told you it's a struggle!) I've never written purely for pleasure before the blog, and if you haven't either, I highly recommend you to try. Writing encourages me to dig deeper into exploring my thoughts and feelings, while also forcing me to be completely honest with myself. There would be no point in me taking the time to post if it weren't honest and from the heart. On day 10, I compared my blog to a husband. If I want to cheat, I remember I'm committed to the blog (and myself...). I frequently think of that analogy, because I still believe that if it weren't for the blog, this challenge would've fizzled out quickly for me. I stay loyal to "my husband" because all of you that read what I have to say about what I'm learning along the way are huge motivators. So far, many of my posts have focused solely on "my"self and "my" feelings and "my" thoughts, but I think it's about time I pay some attention to my support system.

My support system is 100 times larger than I thought it was before starting this challenge. I've learned that I have a core group of people who I always depend on, but there are so many other people in my life that change my day or lift me up every single day. My mom is my rock: If you know me and don't know this, then you are living under one. She gets to hear all the fluffy monotonous stories of the challenge that I leave out of the blog, and yet she always eagerly listens. The other day I was truly rambling and instead of sounding disinterested she said, "I don't want to wish your years away, but it is amazing to see your kids grow up and form their own thoughts and beliefs. I can't wait for you to have that." I tell her all the time that she's not normal, no one is that happy all the time, but I wouldn't have it any other way. She knows that one of my favorite outcomes of giving up drinking has been all the time I spend on cooking fresh healthy meals. (Two self discoveries - I enjoy writing outside of the classroom and I absolutely love to cook!) Yesterday I came home after a particularly grueling workout to the cookbook below. There's a little disclosure on the cover page that says "Every Recipe Serves One"...ouch! Hopefully this cookbook distracts me from the sweet tooth I've developed in the past 2 months. I have always been a sucker for salty snacks, but since cutting out alcohol, I CRAVE sugar in the evenings. I was baking cupcakes the other day (to share, not for myself) and after I frosted them there was quite a bit of icing left. I literally had to squirt soap in the container before throwing it away to make it non-edible. I laughed at myself when I did it, but I didn't think about eating it one more time. Success! I usually tackle the craving with a Mini Dove ice cream (2 WW points, 60 calories). I don't need the whole box, just one. I'm hopeful that I will be able to apply that same principle to wine after my year is up...I think so :). 

In addition to my wonderful momma, I'm also lucky to have an amazing brother. His ridiculous fitness level will always propel me when I feel like giving up at the gym. My dad, although halfway across the world, deeply believes that I can do anything and makes me feel that I can as well. Aunt Pam gets a special mention as well because we see eye to eye on so many issues, and I know I can go to her with a question that others may think is off the wall. Thank you for encouraging me to explore my spirituality.

I really wish I would have had the foresight to write down all the positive interactions I've experienced in relation to my challenge, because they have been so plentiful and so motivating throughout. Multiple people have told me that my challenge and/or blog gave them a little needed push to wake up for an early morning workout. Another person told me that my words reminded her to take time to "do something for herself". Tons of people check up on me and ask when I'll be posting next. And I'd be lying if I said it doesn't feel great every time someone notices the weight I've lost. My friends on the Island have been so supportive and even when I joke of falling off, I don't even think they would let it happen! I'm sure you're all sick of me talking about "sober" this and "no drinking" that, so thanks for putting up with me. Each and every interaction, no matter how big or small, truly inspires me all over again. Last week I was on the phone with one of my best friends, and I asked her if she's happy in her job/city or if she thinks she'll move in the near future. I loved her response. "I'm open to moving, but more and more I am realizing that I want to be close to the people I care about." I couldn't have said it better.

day 59 - football season!

So if you know me, you know I love football. Yes, yes, I also have a personal weakness for football players, but we don't really need to go into that. I know this will shock most of you, but I usually enjoy a few adult beverages while watching football. Weird, right? This automatically means Saturday and Sunday become drinking days/nights along with the occasional Monday and Thursday dependent upon who's playing. I don't think I can even think of the last football game I watched or went to without having at least one drink (before tonight). Prior to embarking on my sober year, I thought about specific circumstances that would be the strongest triggers along my way. I think football season was in my top three, therefore I'm glad I had a couple months to settle into my new lifestyle before the season began. Tonight as I watch the first NFL game of the season, I have no desire to drink. I'm tired, I'm sore from workouts, I cooked an amazing dinner (Asian Peanut Noodle Salad - WW's recipe) and I'm perfectly happy relaxing and winding down for the evening. 

Tonight's dinner - mine looked exactly like this...yea right, but it was tasty!

I keep noticing a lot of irony in my sober discoveries. One that I found myself thinking about tonight was my perceived happiness. When I was going out and drinking a lot, I thought I was really living life to the fullest and enjoying every day. Now I see things so differently. I do not view those memories (those which I actually remember) as wasteful, and I do not have any regrets about the way I have lived my life; however, I can say with absolute certainty than I am happier now. Yes, I had fun dancing and drinking, but I was MISERABLE the next day and I rushed through so many other parts of my day without even thinking about them. Now I really enjoy some of my daily activities that I previously viewed as monotonous. I loved preparing a new recipe for dinner tonight and I didn't even cringe at the thought of washing the dirty dishes afterward. Old me would have rushed through dinner so I could put my tired and achy body in bed as quickly as possible. Oh wait, there's football on, let me take back my last sentence...old me would have actually ordered Big John's and eaten pizza and wings in bed. (Harsh, but probably accurate.)

Another irony I encountered is that, while I actively work to improve my health and well-being, I concurrently become more aware of my mortality. I won't get all drab and dreary here, it just relates to my previous discovery. If we just go through the motions, our time seems to evaporate. If we are always counting the days to vacation or a special event, we may forget to enjoy the days leading up to that event. I'm a huge "countdown" person, and I'm not going to stop that, but I also have to remind myself that the days in between such events should be purposeful and joyful as well.  Each day comes with many of the same tasks and procedures for all of us, but there's always something new that we can choose to mix-up. If not, we can also take notice to when something that has been externally varied in our day. Trying a new recipe, biking a new way home from work, and going to a different class at the gym are all things I've done to spice up my daily routine. When I add something new in, I enjoy the day and the "processes" don't seem so tedious. External variations can be as little as noticing birds chirping or new flowers blooming. (Wow, now  I sound cheesy...and like my mother.) But really, I was coming around the corner the other day and noticed all the birds were chirping like mad. I found myself wondering if they were just happy that it was a beautiful day, or if they could sense a change in weather on its way, etc. After catching myself in this thought pattern, I giggled a little bit. It seemed silly, but at the same time it was nice to NOTICE and ponder something small. I'm trying to notice more of the small stuff without sweating it (haha). Whether it's our boss or parent or spouse, we always want people to notice the little things we do. And I'm sure the little birds wanted someone to hear them chirping, why else would they do it? So keep an eye out for little things, they may just make you smile.