day 16

Passed the two week mark! I've gotten to the point where it's hard to keep track of what day I'm on, I think that's a good thing. I think it means it's becoming something I'm used to, not something I have to think of every single second. They say it takes 21 days to develop a habit...


No big developments in the past few days. Hitting the gym hard and cooking all sorts of healthy meals. Still really enjoying sober sleep. I wake up (usually before my alarm) refreshed instead of parched and achy.


More "challenges" this week, it's Aubrey's birthday and Amanda arrives on Sunday. Both occasions would usually call for excessive libations. Now I just keep thinking about how we will have so much more time for other activities (and I don't have to account for hangover recuperation). I've proven to myself that I am still fun in social settings without 4 drinks in me, so I don't have to avoid situations where I would normally drink. That realization makes things a lot easier. Pretty sure I'd be terribly bitter if all I did was hang out at home and think about my friends out on Duval Street. Speaking of friends, the peer pressure has completely subsided. Everyone is either used to it or cheering me on. Or both :-).


I haven't been perfect, I have been slacking on my daily meditations (a couple times I've had to do two in one day). So my mini-goal this week is to not miss any. They really help to center my thoughts and energy, so it should not be a difficult goal to accomplish. Speaking of "centering," my overall balance (emotional, physical, mental/spiritual) is changing so much. If you've taken time out of your day to read this, you probably know me pretty well. You probably know me enough to know that I am not an "over-thinker." I don't know enough about politics, I HATE conspiracy theorists, I'm practical with a streak of idealism. That being said, I've had a lot of sober time to over-think things in the past couple weeks (plus I'm always keeping my eyes and ears open because I have to have something to write about on this damn thing! lol). One question I've been centering on a lot is "Why is alcohol automatically involved in almost everything social?" This question easily leads into "Why do we want that buzz or drunk?" I thought about what happens after those first few drinks at happy hour...


1. Conversation/volume/laughter/arguments increase
2. Inhibitions subside (see also: dancing like a fool, talking to complete strangers, kissing complete strangers, saying/texting things you would never say sober)


Besides kissing complete strangers, most of these things seem like child-like characteristics. I am not saying we drink because we are immature. I am saying we drink because we don't know how else to get to that non-jaded uninhibited happy place that used to be our norm. By eliminating alcohol-induced highs, my happiness feels much more balanced as I mentioned before. I am confident enough to be honest when I'm sober or talk to a stranger. I am strong enough not to make bad decisions or text things to people who shouldn't even be in my life anymore! I don't need the highs or lows, I'm finding pleasure in the consistent content. This really aligns with Buddhist views which makes me happy, I'm growing and that's the whole point of this.


2 weeks down...no way am I fallin' off anytime soon. 

day 10

Woop! Double digits! I can't believe it's only been ten days. Not because I'm having the shakes or dying for a drink, but because I've already learned so much and noticed a lot of changes. To be honest I probably would've already fallen off the wagon, or at least had more trouble if it weren't for the blog. I was talking to my mom yesterday and compared it to a marriage. You're out and you see a really hot guy and you think "Wow, he looks good, I want him." Then you remember "Oh shit, I have a husband." A commitment keeps you honest (or at least should). And I think it's easier to commit to someone else than it is to yourself, because letting your loved ones down is a terrible feeling. Obviously its kinda pathetic that letting someone else down is "worse" in our minds than letting ourselves down, but I think it's a survival tactic. We are conditioned to deal with our own failures and move on. However as I've mentioned before, this is a self-exploration/improvement journey for me, and I am learning that I never have to let myself down.


Let's see, developments from my last entry...most exciting is that I'm back in the gym (with the two Courtney's)! If I can even get on my bike tomorrow morning it'll be a miracle. I also started a 21 day meditation challenge that I am loving! One of my goals of this year is to learn more about Buddhism (if you don't know, I visited Sri Lanka in 2010 and it absolutely changed my life, my views and sparked a huge interest in Buddhism for me). An old friend from my freshman year of college saw my blog and thought the meditation would be a good addition to my plan. Although I am an absolute novice (my thoughts stray), I am really loving how I feel and the topics it focuses on. So thank you Bridget, I have wanted to add meditation into my daily habits for a long time but wasn't sure where to start.


I am consistently shocked by how much more efficient I am now. My days seem so much longer, in a good way not in a "OMG this day is dragging" way. Not once in the past ten days have I had to throw up before work. I remember everything, my teeth look whiter (no red wine), I actually wear makeup to work everyday, my laundry never piles up and my hip bones and I have become reacquainted! Love love loving all my energy!!


Ooo speaking of my hip bones! Momma has decided to match my dad's pledge with a new wardrobe at the end of the year. However, based on current progress, I'm hoping to need smaller clothes in just a few months :-).


I'm kind of obsessed with my new lifestyle and I am not questioning my decision AT ALL! No-drinking is definitely the backbone that helps all my other good habits fall into place. But I was right before I even started, I do miss my red wine.

day 7

Whewwww! Friday was a drinkin' day if there ever was one. Work was a shit show, per usual. It was Friday - Drinkin' day, duh! And it was payday (everyone is in a good mood on payday and has money to drink). Rather than being a loner, I tagged along for happy hour. The oh-so-sweet Emily at Gecko already knew of my self-challenge. She poured me a water without even trying to tempt me, thanks Bon Qui Qui! I hung around for dinner and some music but headed home before sunset. I still had a great evening, I remembered my entire bike ride home, didn't have any close calls (falling, running into things, etc.) and had not even the slightest urge to eat Dion's (fried chicken for the non-Key Westers). All in all, a successful happy hour trial.


Waking up Saturday was the funny part. I rolled over on my amazing new sheets (thanks mama) around 7:30. My first thought was "Ughhh I don't even wanna open my eyes to find out how hungover I am." I was beyond delighted when I realized that there was and would be no hangover to speak of. Instead of a pounding headache and a miserably upset stomach, my Saturday morning consisted of a healthy breakfast and cleaning/organizing.


I'll save you from a complete play by play. I love my life, but I'm not a Kardashian. I'd be totally self-absorbed to think you want to know every mundane detail of my life. 


Top things I've gleaned from my experiment in the past few days:
1. Sober Kendall is much more of a neat freak than Drinking Kendall. I like it! My closet was the first beneficiary of this change.

2. My mood is much more "stable." 
Not saying I was some crazy b**** before, but I definitely notice that I am consistently energetic and content now. I keep reminding myself of my mom (shhhhhh!).
3. In my first post I spoke about the fact that "I want to see what I can learn, explore, and do with countless more hours on my hands." I've been good about this! First of all, it's AMAZING how much longer each day feels. Yesterday Court and I went up the Keys, had an amazing lunch at Square Grouper, saw Key Deer and came back around 5 for fresh Key West Pinks at Turtle Kraals. 

Would I have liked a drink at lunch? Yes! Did the fact that I didn't have one detract from my enjoyment of the amazing sliders and goat cheese? Not at all. 


One week down and 51 to go. If they are all as great as this past week has been, then I am in for a wonderful year.

day 4

Today is my first challenge day. Mexican and game night with the girls. I would normally already be sipping on a glass of sangria to get a buzz on as quickly as possible. Tonight I'll sip on seltzer water with lemons and limes instead. I'm sure I'll have a twinge of jealousy at first when I'm the only one not heavily buzzed. I am confident that this feeling will be replaced with a surge in motivation and happiness when I go home and get sober sleep (it's noticeably better!) and wake up tomorrow feeling great. I also highly doubt that I will laugh or enjoy myself any less :-).


I've come to a quick realization over the past few days. Resisting temptation is not going to be my largest challenge, it's changing my habits that will take the most effort. When I talk about making plans I immediately include alcohol..."I'm off on Sunday let's go to the beach with a cooler." ok I can do that, but the cooler will have very different contents. "Ugh work was awful today, let's go to happy hour." I'm going to try my best to turn that sentence into "Work was awful I'm going to the gym." I'm also hoping that with better rest and less hangover, I'll have a better attitude and less of those awful work days.


My favorite (and unexpected) aspect so far has been outsiders comments and support. People I work with and old friends I haven't spoken to in years have sent me sweet and supportive messages, offered to join me in non drinking activities and shared their personal challenges and goals. The support has been so inspiring.


I'm already loving it and can't wait to learn more everyday. Now it's time for tacos.

day 2

Wow. What a weekend (to make me WANT to stop drinking)!


I'd say we concocted the perfect birthday celebration that left me both hungover and exhausted, but it was amazing.  4-day staycation, successfully completed operation "Surprise Mom" with Barclay's arrival at happy hour (video is on mom's facebook, pretty priceless), wonderful steak/seafood dinner at A&B, boat day on Boca Grande, and a ridiculous late night happy hour at the Gecko with Matty Q playing our favorite cheesy late 90's pop hits.

All of that left me with less than zero desire to drink for a while anyway, so this should be easy to start out. A lot of people (*cough cough* Courtney D and C) still want me to alter the plan, but I really want this, so here goes nothing. I have a nice bottle of red wine on the counter that hasn't been touched...can't decide if I should leave it to drink in a year or give it away...I think giving it away is the smartest plan. I also already cooked a wonderful dinner tonight instead of my normal Tuesday night Gecko dinner accompanied by 5 grape bombs and countless vodka sodas. 

Obviously two days in I don't feel any physical differences, I wasn't drinking 7 days a week to begin with, but the excitement of what's to come has me full of good energy. Ohhh also since my last post, my dad has decided to add my to challenge by pledging $4 for every day I make it. I didn't ask for this, but I'm competitive so that potential bonus at the end makes it even more fun. Thanks dad :)