day 120

I am finally comfortable using the word sober in referring to myself and my challenge. For the first couple months, if I said "I haven't had a drink in ___ days" it was quickly followed with, "but I didn't have a problem to begin with, it's just a personal challenge." Now I'm absolutely fine, and even proud, to say that I've been sober almost 4 months. If someone assumes I had an alcohol addiction prior to that, that's fine. Now when I am offered alcohol, I simply say "No thanks, I don't drink." I found that "I'll pass" simply leads to "Why aren't you drinking?" "Are you sure?" "Come on, just one!" "Are you pregnant?" I feel no need to defend myself anymore, and that confidence feels great. I also realize that although I did not have any dependency on alcohol (Wait, is salivating every time I see a wine bottle a dependency?), it was absolutely affecting my life in negative ways. My weight was up, my overall productivity was down, and my sleeping and eating habits were inconsistent and left room for improvement. So in that respect, I did have a "problem."
Without sounding sugar sweet, I have to say that I continue to be in awe of how enjoyable this challenge is for me. Quite a few fun things have happened since my last post, since it was a MONTH ago! By the way - I tend to think its a good sign that I didn't blog for a month. I'm back to my procrastinating ways but still not drinking. I don't have to be on my best behavior all the time, but I can still stay on track!

Since my last post I passed the 100 day mark, which was especially exciting to me because my brain works in numbers, so I'm motivated by numbers/figures/stats. That morning began with my blabbermouth brain going at it once again. "Why did I have to make this thing a freakin year?! 100 days would've been good enough and I could've enjoyed a great glass of wine tonight! I get the gist of it now, my eyes are open to new things, blah blah blah, now give me some damn WINE!" I laughed it off and told myself that the remaining 200+ days would continue to be a learning experience. Thank you all for the amazing outpour of love and support on day 100, all the texts, "likes" and comments were so appreciated. I was even greeted by gorgeous flowers at the office from Aubrey and Kristy!

After day 100 came Fantasy Fest. For those not familiar with FF, Mardi Gras is the best comparison I can give. A week every October in Key West full of parties, lots of costumes, and most definitely no shortage of cocktail consumption. Sober living was challenging at times throughout the week. On Tutu Tuesday I was about 2 feet from the bar, but my berry bomb craving subsided. And Saturday (Parade Night), I tried to tell everyone that my original plan was to allow myself drinks on the Saturday of Fantasy Fest and New Years Eve, (that really was my original plan) however no one was having it. I am thankful that I didn't drink, starting over at day 1 would be so demoralizing!
And now I'm headed back from New York City after an amazing weekend. On past New York trips with my dad I specifically remember; double fisting Bud Lights at the Giants game, gasping at the receipt for $25 martinis, chugging wine during South Pacific's intermission, and 12 bottles shattering on the pavement because the box was wet (Roni!). This weekend consisted of perfect seats at a matinee of Wicked, a chilly Giants game (my first time in the new stadium), and lots of walking, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. And just in case I had any doubt, I love the city just as much "sober."